Anger is an emotion like any other. We have every right in the world to feel angry when faced with frustration, confrontation, attack, incompetence… Getting angry is inevitable and universal, even healthy: it allows us to react to what we dislike. However, the difference between those who know how to handle their anger and those who do not, is marked not only by their management skills, but by something else: the ability to extract useful lessons.
To learn from anger, it is important to ask yourself:
What makes me angry? What if that “I can’t stand people who …” was inside us? The psychiatrist and psychologist Carl Jung said that “everything that irritates us about others can lead us to understand ourselves.” Perhaps the egocentric partner clashes with his own egocentricity; Or, quite the opposite: the lazy person is really the opposite of our dedication to work. An analysis of what provokes anger will allow us to understand ourselves and others.
Is it better to shut up? Assuming that it is “better not to say anything” than “why mess it up anymore” is a mistake. Those who do not communicate their anger harm themselves without solving the problems. Shakespeare put it this clearly: “Anger is a poison that one takes waiting for the other to die.” In addition, when it comes to really bad aspects, such as injustice, discrimination, lack of ethics, silence is intolerable.
When am I going to express my anger? It must be a thoughtful action, not an immediate one. Bursting like a bottle of butane only leads to hurting oneself and around and, without a doubt, regretting the consequences. When we are under pressure, logical thinking becomes difficult and the emotional response is triggered. In critical moments, you have to acknowledge the tension to get away, take a breath, calm down, do not respond immediately (neither personally, nor by email), perhaps share the problem with someone you trust … It is about taking time to channel that anger.
How am I going to express my anger? It is necessary to express the irritation in a respectful and constructive way, with self-control and assertiveness, without sarcasm or hurtful comments, without intimidating or humiliating. It is convenient to train the response: speak with kindness, do not attack personally, do not be defensive, start with phrases such as “I may be wrong, but …”, express feelings, state the problem, ask questions, defend your position with phrases such as ” I see it in a different way … ».
What can I learn for next time? Let us take advantage of our anger to get to know ourselves and others, extract valuable lessons and train our emotional intelligence. By the way, investing in training for the management of emotions is a safe bet to lead successfully, build cohesive teams and guarantee the productivity of companies.