I discovered her as the daughter of Javier Cámara in Vamos Juan, (TNT) one of the revelation series of the quarantine. But it turns out that Esty Quesada has been a celebrity on YouTube for years, where she bills some videos with both vitriol and tenderness about life to her years and circumstances with the alias I’m a bitch. In the video call he speaks as on the screen, with a parsimony that seems to hit until you get used to it and see that it is his own. In addition, she is very polite and genuinely interested in the talk, something that does not always happen with other more mature and prestigious luminaries. Or the same is that we both stop posturing and talk from bitch to bitch.
What are you talking about a lady over 50 and a youtuber 25?
Oops, of many things. Of life, of our points of view, of boyfriends, of series, of movies, of love, of hate, of death. For me, age is not a barrier, only that the other person is an asshole.
At 25 do you think about death?
I have always had it very much in mind. First because since I was little I wanted to kill myself. And then because my father, my grandparents, my uncle, many people have died. I talk to my father with the ouija.
Excuse me, did you want to kill yourself as a child? Kill yourself from committing suicide?
Yes, I know that it is surprising, they think I mean it, but wanting to kill oneself is not so strange. It happens to everyone at some point.
Was his life so horrible?
Life is a punishment. You can’t take it because nothing makes sense. So either you kill yourself or you live. And I decided to live at the time. Live not taking anything seriously, doing what comes out of my balls. That is why I place so much importance on friendship, they are the values that make life a little less shit.
Did friends save her?
At that time he did not have many friends either. I don’t know, it was a very strange thing. Especially the movies, the series, all that helped me. Then, once I was better, I was able to enjoy my friends. Because when you are bad and you want to kill yourself, no matter how good your friends are, they are not going to get you out of there, only you are going to get yourself out.
What made you want to live?
I was depressed alive, level: come on, today I committed suicide. And I was saved by something as stupid as: not today, that a new chapter of my favorite series is coming out, I already committed suicide tomorrow. People with depression will feel identified. You are looking for excuses. In the end I got tired of myself, like: girl, ok, either you kill yourself or you live. And I said: alive. I left my comfort zone and I started doing things that scared me a lot, but they got me out of there. The click was to be the balls of myself.
I AM A PRINGADA
Under that explicit alias Estíbaliz, Esty, Quesada (Bilbao, 25 years old) gathers a large parish with its stark video stories on YouTube. Author of two books: ‘Freaks’ and ‘Things that saved my life’, she created and directed the series ‘Losers’ and co-stars in the political satire ‘Vamos, Juan’, with Javier Cámara, and ‘Road trip’, a journey through United States with Nuria Roca. Its vitriol, its pints and its makeup hide a capacity for observing others that many analysts in suits and ties already wanted.
I think he hates Mr. Wonderful and self-help books.
It is that they are useless. Do you think that when I was in depression I was going to save my life a text of: ‘smile, life is short’? There is a lot of talk about happiness without talking about sadness, and they are things that go hand in hand. .
Does sadness chase others away?
Sadness is failure. When I had depression, many people told me: you are lazy, you do nothing. And I: maybe I don’t do anything because I’m thinking every minute of cutting my veins. Sadness does not like because it amounts to failure, and failure in this society is a non-productive person who does not contribute to capitalism.
What if over sad you are fat?
Being fat and being sad is the last or one of the last links in the social chain. You are not productive, and you are not the target of consumption. You go out of all norm. You are a bitch for society, they make you pay by rejecting you and rejection always produces pain.
Actress, youtuber, screenwriter. What do I put that it is dedicated to?
I don’t know, person who does things sometimes. You can also put artist, because I have acted, I have written, I have directed, but come on, I don’t consider myself an artist either.
Well, his filming colleagues say he is superprofessional.
Oh, thanks. I have been very poor, I value work very much and since I don’t want to lose it, I am a professional and I value the effort of others. Those of us who have not made ends meet, have had a poor childhood and know what things are worth, we work differently. I know people who have given it their all and the day they have to earn their bread, they don’t know.
What is the best thing you have?
Ugh, I don’t know. I am very materialistic and having an iPhone has changed my life, but the best I have and will have are friends. They are much more important than family and boyfriends and girlfriends and everything. And then, at the attribute level, well, I laugh at everything. Sometimes it is a bit of torture for me because even when I want to talk seriously about something of mine, I can’t and immediately have to make fun of it.
Just as self-attack is your best defense.
The seriousness is that it scares me a lot. This typical of ‘we have to talk’. I shit alive, even if it’s nothing. So I always take it as a joke, but I also think it is one of my best qualities because I have a very black and very strong humor. Before, I was very afraid of being hurt, but it is part of life and if they do, it is a lesson that you learn and a host that will help you to continue with your life. I am no longer afraid of it as before.
“Neither man nor woman nor straight nor homo.” I have seen that it is defined as “a fat woman who insults”.
That I will be until I touch it, but it is that I do not feel gender or man or woman, I am like in the middle, but it is not a matter to which I give the slightest importance. I’m like this and that’s it. It seems that now, because they are non-binary, they have to give you a pension of one thousand euros from the Government. And no, pretty. Is that you see? Fake activism makes me very nervous because I am of a non-binary gender but I do not have to say it and use it as an excuse for everything. And sexuality, well bisexual, but I don’t use it as an excuse either.
How about confinement?
Well, let’s see, I’m sick of it because I want to enjoy the fucking life and go out to party and get drunk, what do I know, being lying on a dance floor and throwing up on me? it does not support itself and has no inner world.
He said on TV: “Now I am almost happy, it already fucks me.” Are you never happy?
Let’s see, happiness is a very short thing that you feel very rarely, but you could also call yourself to be at peace with yourself, that very few people are and I can say today that I am despite of my traumas and my moves. I conceive happiness as enjoying what you have and being willing to risk yourself. I’m not happy because I don’t think anybody is fully happy, but let’s say I’m happy.